Today is my birthday...37 years old...every year someone asks the question: "So do you feel older today?" Usually I laugh and say "nay...I don't feel any older..." This year is different though. With everything that has happened over the past 2 weeks, I do feel older. I feel less invincible...less in control...more aware of my humanness and weakness...a greater understanding that God is God and I'm not...not even close!
I always knew that death could come at any moment...I'VE PREACHED THAT! But when one moment you're walking around church on a Sunday morning...feeling fine...and in an instant you have pain in your chest like you've never felt before...a pain that had me hunched over in the restroom wondering what was wrong with me...something happens that changes your perspective...or at least it gave me a greater understanding that I really am but a vapor...that God can take me away in a flash...in a brief moment...This is changing me...I don't even know what all that means yet, but he is doing something in my heart and mind...he is "crushing me" in ways that I didn't even know I needed...and I'm glad (sounds weird huh?)...I don't want to be the same...
So on this birthday I'm thankful...thankful that I get to see my family every morning...send the kids off to school...that I get to kiss them and tell them I love them every night. That Kelsey and I get to keep learning TOGETHER how to be husband and wife...mom and dad...maybe someday grandma and grandpa...I'm glad that I'm here...that God isn't finished with me yet...I know I'm not finished here yet!
"Thanks God for another birthday. I've never had one mean this much...thanks for saving me... for your forgiveness... strength in weakness... thanks for another birthday, I gladly turn 1 year older today! Hey God...you are soooooooo good."